I can finally give a concrete example of anxiety manifesting in 2020. For the past two days or so I am bothered. I am turning it over and over and over in my mind. I get upset and grumble and gripe about it to myself. I literally start arguing with myself over it. No, I am not upset with my husband or even politics. I am worrying on a Star Trek Deep Space 9 episode. I haven’t seen it in a year or more, but it’s on my mind. For the STDS9 fans, it’s the episode when Kiko O’Brien is possessed by the bajoran Fire Demon. She has been on the planet seeing the “fire caves” which is a tourist destination and is possessed by this evil (in the bajoran religion) non-corporeal entity (a spirit). The show begins when she comes home and Miles O’Brien, her husband, is waiting for her with her favorite exotic chocolates as an apology for
Winter always reminds me of when I knew I wanted to be a mom. I remember because it was winter when I realized this was important to me. It was 2004 and I was dating a guy pressuring me to have sex. I was asking myself a LOT of questions totally appropriate for a 20-year old. Did I want to have kids? What did I want to do with my life? What kind of relationships did I want in my life? Was I ok having sex before marriage? (I grew up in the South and in a Southern Church, this was still very radical!). All healthy questions to ask as you enter adulthood. I had a dream one night. In this dream I was a mom with 4 boys and pregnant. I didn’t know what I was pregnant with (boy or girl) but in the dream, in the way of dreams, I knew I had teased my husband we were
Remy is six months old. He has been in daycare for two weeks now and I have thoughts. My mother has a brilliant approach to life choices like “daycare vs Stay at Home Mom (SHM)” questions – there are always trade-offs. There isn’t necessarily a right answer, they both can be right and wrong in their own ways. With that said, I think daycare is the right choice for my child. For a variety of reasons, some of which others told me before we signed him up and some which I hadn’t heard from friends and family. An upside-downside is the hit to his immune system. Now, we haven’t had anything yet (knock on wood) but it’s also only been two weeks. I can 1000% understand when a mom is going “I can’t work from home and my kid isn’t very sick – I need to work and they need to go somewhere, so… Tylenol!” Is that half-day (until the
Kawaii would have been quite happy if we had never gotten a dog. She spent the first three days as often under the bed as anywhere else. I think she pooped only when Riley was in his crate. She was not ok with this change. Granted, she doesn’t much care for change. It definitely is taking her the longest to adjust to having a dog in the house. Genkii on the other hand follows Riley around. A Lot. He has tried to steal Riley’s food. He has sniffed Riley’s crate. He cries when Riley goes outside without him…. even in the rain. Genkii has always thought he’s a dog and he doesn’t quite understand why the real-dog gets different (better?) stuff. You know, Genkii’s higher-fat kitten food (which is higher fat than adult food) just isn’t as good as the low-fat/high-protein dog food. Fortunately, Riley doesn’t get bothered by any of these antics but has finally starting sniffing Genkii’s butt- to the cat’s great confusion.
Today is Black Friday in the US. The ultimate holiday of capitalism. I will be spending my day hanging out with my family. We will play board games, cook delicious food, and probably get into a political argument. It’s like doing Thanksgiving 2 days in a row. So much better than going out and dealing with strangers who are elbowing each other for the latest “greatest” gadget or toy….
I sprained my thumb. It sounds so small, it seems so small – until I try to use my hand too much. And I do keep using it too much. So I hurt my thumb, I spend a day basically watching tv/movies & reading (’cause one-handed gaming is hard). I go to work that week. By Friday I felt way better. My parents scheduled “dumpster day” at their house they’ve lived in for ~30 years. Of course I am going to help! I even do the responsible thing and wrap my hand up in an Ace bandage – give my thumb some support and maybe remind myself not to overdue it. I overdue it. I have a business trip that week and spend the week (theoretically) taking it easy and even buying athletic tape to tape up my thumb regularly. Dumpster Day Part 2 that weekend stresses my thumb out again. A week of trying to rest my hand while working a
Today is Easter. A notable Christian holiday. The important Christian holiday. I will hear a lot of “Hallelujah” and “blessings” today – both digitally on Facebook and from live people. I don’t talk a lot about my faith. It is highly personal to me. I also have studied history – and I love church history. But it also breaks my heart. The Church (when I capitalize like this, I mean the “organized, hierarchical groups” – NOT the church which is the “body of Christ”) has done a lot of harm over the centuries. That harm is still being committed today. People don’t like to think they are doing wrong, but that is exactly what we are supposed to do. I am fortunate that I am able to attend a Seder every year. The Haggadah is the story of the Exodus and a reminder to the Hebrew heritage (and Jewish faith) that they suffered in Egypt. This reminder is also a call (at
Last spring I ran away with the man I’m in love with and got married. God that is still a lot of a fun to say. This year, I took the week of our anniversary as vacation. It was very good, especially because I can’t remember the last time I took a full week of just vacation. Not moving or packing or because I was sick…. It was kind of glorious. And spending about $200 on books was pretty awesome too. My list of books getting recovered from the storage-unit-mold-disaster is slowly coming around. The books that are left were always going to be the hardest ones to find: out of print or role-playing books (which even if not “hard to find” are “damn expensive”) He also took my calligraphy exam paper from my semester in Japan to get it framed in a gorgeous black-bamboo frame. He managed to filch it during our move last fall and I just haven’t