Something: Thoughts on Uvalde

This might be politics, it might be life events, it will contain some memories. I didn’t post anything on any kind of social media for days about this because it was painful. I am going to begin by saying this: I went to a school with a shooting. I went to Heritage High School, which in the spring of 1999 (1 month after Columbine) had a shooting. We were… blessed. 6 people were wounded and no one died. At the time, I was across the street at the middle school and we got locked down because… no one knew what to do. In high school I was friends with upper classmates who were there, and have PTSD (and yes, that’s present tense because decades later they keep seeing more children get shot and killed). The school itself was not a safe place for us. The building was dangerous. It was a giant potential concrete trap. We discussed how if a

read more Something: Thoughts on Uvalde

Life Events: Covid

My son has tested positive for Covid. He’s been in daycare, so it isn’t actually out of the blue, but it still feels sudden. I feel entirely unprepared. Fortunately, as reported, his symptoms are mild. He developed a low grade fever (right around 100F) Saturday which only reappears sporadically since then. He has a slight cough and keeps trying to dig at his nose like it’s got deep boogers. So this could have easily been just “January virus #3,762” but daycare called us Monday to inform us there was a positive case among the teachers. So we scheduled with the pediatrician for a covid test. The rapid test was positive. Fortunately, my husband and I are vaccinated and boosted, so at least we only have the mildest fear of Covid ourselves. Definitely the deeper concern is the toddler, unvaccinated. Mild Symptoms. VERY mild. He’s had ear infections that were worse. I have to keep saying it. Like every 5 minutes.

read more Life Events: Covid

Life Events: 20 years after 9/11

I remember the day of September 11th, 2001 with unusual clarity. I remember where I was and what I did when I heard about the initial attack (my response to my friend was “that’s not funny” because I could NOT imagine it being real). I didn’t see the towers fall live. It was the only teacher the rest of that day who didn’t turn on the tv and watch the coverage. I wish I had thanked him for that. As anxious as I was to know in that class, by the end of the day, I was basically sick. Physically and emotionally I was absolutely sick. Twenty years has now passed. This week I watched a documentary on MSNBC called Memory Box which interviewed survivors of the towers and the pentagon attack in 2002 and again this (2021) spring. I really liked that because we heard about the day through the lens of these survivors as the primary source within

read more Life Events: 20 years after 9/11

Pets: Aging

I adopted Genkii and Kawaii in fall of 2007. When I adopted them, they were less than a year old, about 7-9 months old. At 14, Genkii is finally less “energy” and turning into an older man. He doesn’t get “zoomies” as often. He is “talking” less. More alarming to me are some physical signs of age. His spine is probably the one I worry about the most. Genkii has always been skinny. I have always had to do a mix of 1/2 kitten food, 1/2 adult food to keep his weight at a healthy level. Kitten food has a higher fat content. When I have tried to cut out (or been unable to get) kitten food, he gets so skinny you can feel his ribs when you pet him. His ribs have a nice layer on them right now, his spine however is boney. Almost spiky. In my experience, when a cat begins to be boney like this –

read more Pets: Aging

Life: Toddler Exhaustion

I used to think (before I became a parent) that being a parent was exhausting because your kid couldn’t sleep through the night and if you could just get a full night’s sleep without “get up and feed” or “deal with nightmares” or “sick kid” (the constant “sick kid” syndrome). I have learned, this is patently untrue. An awake toddler is exhausting. First there is the “I randomly don’t like what’s happening” tantrums. Tantrums in general are exhausting, but when you know the reason and anticipate the fight you can mentally brace yourself. It’s the “you were just laughing and giggling and now you’re crying – what the hell happened?” fits that are hard. Now, I am very lucky and almost always can instantly mentally pivot to see what set my kid off – it’s almost always about not having choice (shocker, my kid is stubborn and opinionated). I try to give him as much choice as possible, but this

read more Life: Toddler Exhaustion

Life Events: Home Improvements

This is a busy month! It’s my 5th anniversary, my son’s 2nd birthday, I’ve gotten my 2nd Covid vaccine shot, and my work project is finishing (hitting serious deadlines headlong!). Oh and we’re ripping the pool out of our backyard. Yup. When we bought our house, we bought a house with a pool. We knew it would be an expense. We knew it would be work. After 3 years, we knew we didn’t care for a pool. In 2019 my in-laws gave us a gift of cash right after our son was born in order for us to afford to have a professional take care of the pool every week. It helped. A little. We still didn’t use it a lot. It isn’t something we love. We got a few quotes on removing it to decide if it’s what we might want to do. Last year with our son home we left the pool “closed.” And realized we kind of

read more Life Events: Home Improvements

Life: Anxiety in 2020

I can finally give a concrete example of anxiety manifesting in 2020. For the past two days or so I am bothered. I am turning it over and over and over in my mind. I get upset and grumble and gripe about it to myself. I literally start arguing with myself over it. No, I am not upset with my husband or even politics. I am worrying on a Star Trek Deep Space 9 episode. I haven’t seen it in a year or more, but it’s on my mind. For the STDS9 fans, it’s the episode when Kiko O’Brien is possessed by the bajoran Fire Demon. She has been on the planet seeing the “fire caves” which is a tourist destination and is possessed by this evil (in the bajoran religion) non-corporeal entity (a spirit). The show begins when she comes home and Miles O’Brien, her husband, is waiting for her with her favorite exotic chocolates as an apology for

read more Life: Anxiety in 2020