Manners: Fault Vs. Resposibility

This first came up in an article I read about Millennials having to take on responsibilities for things like global warming – and it’s not our fault.  The economy being in turmoil – and it’s not our fault.

But if the last Millennials were born ~1997, they are now 21 years old.  They are voting, and drinking – a majority (the 1981-1992 set) can rent cars. They can run for every office in the land (ok, so only like 2-3 years worth could run for President this year, but we have another 2 years and then…. well someone born in 1985 would be eligible for President, that is well within the range of Millennial age). We are now a generation of adults.

We are responsible.

We might not have caused the collapse of infrastructure. We may not have de-funded our education system.  We didn’t cause the crash of the housing market in 2007/2008…. but we are going to have to be responsible for cleaning it up.

Ok, so all that’s big level stuff – but this fault vs. responsibility has kept cropping up in all kinds of ways.  My husband and I were talking about chores around the house: pumping water off the pool cover; trimming the hedges; changing the filters in the A/C units; throwing away the junk mail… neither of us are at fault for these things – but we are responsible.

Every parent I know is going to be blinking and saying “duh” at this one – but those dirty clothes piled up in your toddler’s room.  Definitely, their fault; but you are the adult and responsible for them having something clean to wear tomorrow.  Same with running out of milk or the last cookie or the toys being broken… parents are responsible and they are definitely not the one doing all these things!

At work I am running a project with a team of about 6 people. I ran into an issue earlier this week where I wasn’t at fault, but if this thing didn’t get done the whole project would be massively delayed. And at the end of the day; when my senior leadership listens to clients either praise or criticize the results of this project…. I am responsible.  So I spent my evening at home sitting at my dining room table cleaning up someone else’s mess.

It has really helped me stay away from feeling like a victim. Yes, I was pissed that I had to spend my “free time” dealing with someone else’s mess; but, I also knew that in six months when my senior leaders hear from clients who are in love with this – they are going to give me the credit. I am responsible; and that means I have the power to change things.

Politicis: Gun Control

I wrote this in Oct 2015 – and it is still true today. I don’t like turning on the news to hear about ANOTHER shooting. I am tired of hearing the GOP wringing their “thoughts and prayers” BS line like a lady’s handkerchief. And I am tried of being told there is “nothing” we could/should do. Pick one of more of these options. Pick another option. But doing NOTHING…. that isn’t working. I would rather we do something WRONG than nothing at all. ’cause nothing ain’t working.

Dream by Day

I am pretty far left on most social issues. This is the one exception. I’m not far to the right, but I am definitely more-right than many of my friends (and family).  And everyone I talk to about this will hear me remind them that I think cars are a more dangerous problem which I want addressed first.

My Facebook has been full of posts the past several days. About half of them are “TAKE AWAY THE GUNS!” and half of them are “STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY GUN.”

It is tragic when someone is killed. There is no remedy for that pain. And yes, guns are terrible weapons which can kill many people very quickly, multiplying that pain.

I also know that my friends who own guns are very responsible. They can drone on and on with each other about various lock-box options, why they like the ones they…

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Review: A Wrinkle In Time (movie) Spoiler Free

I have cried during more movies in the past 12 months than I think I have the rest of my life.  A Wrinkle In Time did it to me again.

loved this movie for so many reasons.  I loved Meg and Charles Wallace.  I thought both of them were so well crafted, you didn’t need to read the books to understand them (I think, of course it’s impossible for me to be sure).  I thought the Mrs.’s were superb and even though it’s not exactly how I pictured them, it’s exactly how I could have pictured them.

Madeline L’Engle is one of my all-time favorite authors; like so many others I grew up on this book and loved it.  When I felt like an outcast, I looked around for my Charles Wallaces & Calvins in my life.  When I looked for them, I often found them waiting for me with open arms; and this movie captured that love and acceptance and patience… perfectly.

The graphics in this movie were fantastic.  They really thought through the descriptions of what L’Engle wrote and what they wanted it to look like.  There were a bunch of times it bordered on cartoony, but not in the worst of ways – I accept it’s a kid’s movie and they don’t need to be realistic the way I would demand of something like Ready Player One (not the VR world, but their real world) or Avatar (*cough* failed *cough* oh sorry, I have been sick ya know…)

I didn’t like that they left out one of my favorite characters.  I don’t remember him/her/it perfectly but that obscurity of gender is why that is one of my favorite characters in the book.  That and he/she/it was one of the most accepting, gracious, and loving characters – which they tried to absorb somewhat into the Mrs’s but…. well it just isn’t the same.  I understand why they did it (trying to make a movie for kids under 10 you don’t want to introduce a new, weird character 3/4s of the way through….) but I was looking forward to seeing the interpretation of him/her/it on screen and I won’t lie… if I have to critique this is probably it.

I also was very disappointed they cut the twins.  There was an important element in the two boys being “adjusted” to their father’s disappearance while Meg & Charles Wallace sort of aren’t.  Or at least, they both feel excluded from that adjustment which adds an important juxtaposition to Meg’s continued rage & lashing out. It also means they won’t be able to make any of the sequels – the twins rise in their prominence in later books. Despite cutting the twins, I did love the messages of an inter-racial couple adopting kids.  The message that you can choose to love as well as “fall” in love.

I cried. I sniffled and snuffled and tears rolled helpless down my cheeks through so much of this movie.  Just like Blank Panther & Wonder Woman.  I am jealous of kids today who are getting to see movies with heroes & heroines that look like them. Hell, I would have just taken a heroine (and did – her name was Sailor Moon and she was still constantly having to be “rescued” by a damn man).

I want to live in the world where we aren’t color-blind, but we are color-kind. We don’t “ignore” color or race or heritage; but we treat those differences with curiosity and kindness.  Movies like this – big budget which celebrate (or at least don’t denigrate) minorities might just help us move towards that world.  Media – books, movie, music, art – can help people open their minds and their hearts. No longer are we limited to James Bond & Superman; now we can explore the plethora of possibilities…. and I am so excited I could – and did – cry.

We have a long way to go.  There are a lot of lessons on manners when you encounter someone “breaking taboo” we need to construct and accept across our culture(s) – but these movies; these glorious beautiful movies…. I can’t wait for more like them.

Life Events: Haircut

March 3rd (I know, I’m late – I got sick!) I got my hair cut. I chopped off about 14 inches (it was 13.75 inches – so i’m rounding up).

I took before, during and after pictures:

haircut 2018.png

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this “rapid transformation” so to speak.  Every three or four years I tend to grow my hair out and then donate it.

This hair will be sent to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths to help some woman with cancer feel a little more confident with a wig of hair while they deal with the worst times of their life.

And I get the freedom of less effort on my hair!



Life Memories: The Dime Theory

This is still a theory I use regularly – and if anything the more I use it over the years, the more I love it!

Dream by Day

As a trainer, the most-dreaded question is “why do I need this.”  Especially if the person signed up to take my class. I can tell you then and there, they are going to be obnoxious from here to next week.  Everyone remembers in school the question “why do I have to learn _______” whether it was math, history, a foreign language, or Shakespeare.  How many teachers had good answers?

My mother is the one who always gave me the best answers to this.  “Why do I need to learn Shakespeare, it’s sooo boring.”

“You’re learning how people interact. Shakespeare lived hundreds of years ago, but people still behave like idiots and make these types of crazy choices and look what happens.”

As the youngest of three, I had already learned the lesson that I could avoid making the same mistakes my siblings made… so the idea that even “old” books…

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Politics: Too many Boswells?

So some background here (and eventually I’ll explain the picture!): As I was writing my thoughts on Scalzi, I went looking for Dickens quotes and found (God I love Gutenberg) letters!  In one of them (I was searching keywords but this letter made me pause for context) I found this AMAZING line:

I can imagine a succession of Boswells bringing about a tremendous state of falsehood in society, and playing the very devil with confidence and friendship.

-Letter to John Foster Devonshire TerraceSaturday, April 22nd, 1848


Do you know what a “Boswell” is?  It is a confidant who publishes your life.  The famous-ness of the phrase is probably retained from Sherlock Holmes calling Watson his “Boswell” because it was a term known in that age.  But Dickens wrote about it and wrote negatively.  Ok, again this was as I was thinking on Scalzi writing fiction as a commentary on my time… so I couldn’t help but have these two thoughts collide.

Dickens called the excessive use of biography as negative.  Competing biographies degrade trust in society.

There are over 7,000 books in that tower I have at the top of this post – and all of them are about Abe Lincoln. Oh, and in 2012, that was less than half the books that had been published regarding that president… Now granted, not every one of those books is a Boswell Biography (which is a style) BUT… BUT!

I have been mulling in my mind WHY.  This is probably the question that has founded more of my thinking than any other. And this quote (granted, you should read the full context) made me STOP.  Like full mental stop and connect two things (at least in my mind).

We have flooded the market with biographies and monographs on great people or perceived great people AND we have an issue in society where people pick and choose their “experts” based on… intuition?  There is an issue of trusting “experts” in society.  There is an issue of people cherry-picking data to confirm their own bias instead of seeking a truthful answer even if it proves them wrong.

I’m not saying competing biographies and new information can’t change the narrative we understand.  Just taking any information and then applying a lens of declassified information can drastically shift historical events.  But a lot of books are written by folks claiming to be “expert” in some way which compete with each other – and how do we know which ones to trust? And how do we determine who to give our confidence to?

Dickens was a smart man.  I think he might have been on to something.  I don’t want to silence (most) people, but… could this be exasperating some of the issues we have in our politics and social commentary?  This explosion in the past 30-50 years of “experts” without a way for the common person to vet them?

Not having a solution, I am mostly putting the question out there.  I will indubitably continue to mull on this one and look to other smart people to see if they say anything that sounds like a solution.  I don’t like the idea of “committees” who choose what we can read.  This removes any kind of certification board; academic panel; etc.  The closest is some kind of peer-review in terms of non-fiction books. And if it isn’t peer-reviewed, then we (society) can teach our children to read such books with deep suspicions.

I mean, I hope people know Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is fiction but at this point… I can’t help but wonder if there are folks that either think he’s a fictional character (despite the like 15,000 non-fiction/semi-fiction that predates vampire hunting) or there are people who think he really was hunting supernatural creatures.  I’m not sure which makes me grieve more.