I found some old notebooks at the bottom of the box last weekend – including one my first ever journals. The first three entries frankly brought me to tears. They are all about my first cat Cinnamon. Text: Thurs, Feb. 18, 1997 Today I haven’t been feeling well so I called Mom and came home sick. I’ve slept most of the afternoon and I am about to go to bed. Vic, a kid in my class, asked me on the 4 if I would go out with him. It was the morning after Cinnamen [sic] had been put down so I was still upset. He kept on pressuring me until Brittney started to beat him up. [I feel like I need to define “beat up” was usually with a piece of PAPER] I am having a rough year so far. Vic is only making it worse. [God, I feel so sorry for him. His timing was TERRIBLE – but it
I am wrapping up a project at work that has kind of consumed my life for the past few months (hence the super-sporadic posting). I have been a bit manic about when/how/what I post. Hence there have been a few weeks where I got stuff scheduled the weekend before or managed to keep up with the occasional night-writing and the past two or three weeks have been deathly silent. But now I am working on the reviews for my project-team. Because I think it’s important to give them feedback (the good, the bad and the ugly). And it’s hard because reviewing-up is stressful (especially since I can’t be anonymous). Reviewing peers isn’t as bad, my workplace DOES have a good culture about constructive reviews. ASKING for reviews is also hard because as much as my company has a culture to encourage constructive reviews – I don’t feel like everyone does it. I have 2-5 managers I love working with because they give
March 3rd (I know, I’m late – I got sick!) I got my hair cut. I chopped off about 14 inches
I ended up in the ER yesterday. I am ok now, but damn that sucked. NOT how I wanted my husband to spend V-day with me. That was NOT the plan (there wasn’t a real plan just “spend time together” so…. we did that!) I went to my pulmonologist last week for my bi-annual check up. I had some of my best results on my breathing test since I started seeing her. And I freaking LOVE this doctor. Of every doctor I’ve ever had – she is amazing. She walks a balance of treating me like I am not some stupid boob but teaching me all the things I need to know to treat my disease. She is always late, but then will spend every minute I need with me – and so as annoyed as I get for her making me wait so very, very long; I know she spent as much time with her other patients and she will spend
I have 2 reviews in progress but have written little more than intro paragraphs on them. It has been such a crazy week for my paying-the-bills job that a LOT has slid to the side (my wonderful husband has been so supportive, I can’t even tell you how much I have needed him this week). So I will try to get (a) caught up and (b) ahead on some posts this weekend so next week won’t be so barren (I have a backlog…. now I just need some energy)
I don’t do normal resolutions. By normal I mean the list of “this year I’m gonna lose 20 lbs” or “I’m saving $1 every day” I aim for my resolutions to change me; change my outlook or my philosophy or some aspect of me. They really become more than just one-year resolutions. For 2018, my resolution is to be bolder. To fight harder against the voice that says “no” and to look it in the eyes and say “then yes damnit!” In the world today there is a lot of “no” going around and so many artists said it in 2017 – stress makes art hard. Fear makes art painful. Most artists can’t separate art and life (I say most because if I say “all” someone will point out some exception….) One informs and influences the other. I had a dream in the early hours of Jan 1st and it was terrifying. I woke panting, wanting to spring up and run away.
Ok, so I missed the anniversary (by quite a bit actually) – but I’ve hit 3 years blogging! Wow. I was doing some admin clean-up and considering if I want to try a different skin (I feel like the “look” of my blog is… off/wrong/meh). I looked at my post history and found it had already been so much. I posted my first post Sept 29th 2014: https://librinlatone.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/to-dream-by-day/ This is my 226th post I’ve had 2,765 views I have 4 email subscribers, 38 WordPress followers, and 18 social followers (not sure what that one is honestly). My best viewed post was The Goethe Spectrum (which I am damn proud of anyway) https://librinlatone.com/2015/03/16/feminism-the-bacon-spectrum/ followed by To the Ex-Best Friend (another one I’m proud of) https://librinlatone.com/2015/05/13/writing-to-the-ex-best-friend/ As much as the Ex-Best Friend was read though, my totals for the month it was published (in 2015) was only 15 views higher than my total views last month. Probably because of the frequency I was able to post last
It’s holiday season, which is always a stressful time and made more stressful for people who are trying to lose weight. With Thanksgiving past, I am seeing the annual parade of posts about “hitting the gym” and “getting back on the horse.” This is hard for me. I am overweight. Technically, I am “obese” although I don’t feel obese. I’m not unhappy (per say) with my size. I would like to lose some weight, but at the same time, I am pretty happy with general shape, etc. Part of my “want to lose weight” is health. There are some numbers which are less than ideal and I would like to get them idealized again. What makes this hardest is I know what it takes to get/keep my ideal weight. I’ve been there. When I graduated from college, I weighed 142lbs. This is right about “perfect” (according to the drs) for my height. I didn’t diet to get there, but I had managed
Today is Black Friday in the US. The ultimate holiday of capitalism. I will be spending my day hanging out with my family. We will play board games, cook delicious food, and probably get into a political argument. It’s like doing Thanksgiving 2 days in a row. So much better than going out and dealing with strangers who are elbowing each other for the latest “greatest” gadget or toy….
So this entire post comes with history. A LOT of history. There are stories within stories here and I can’t fully explore them in a single post. So, I’ll skip some bits here and jump straight into the pieces you need (well, I’ll try, it’s hard to unpack all the inter-tangled pieces). All the best stories are complicated. I started playing tabletop RPGs around end-of-middle-school when my older brother wanted to try this new book GURPS. Yes, I learned on GURPS. It has made me a weird gamer ever since because I don’t particularly like D&D or Pathfinder… classes frustrate me. When I was in high school I started gaming with his guy-friends (most of them in college) with a Wheel of Time game. When my brother “disappeared” into the military, I kept going. We met every first Saturday of the month about noon and gamed until 5-7pm, went to dinner and hung out. So from the time I was 16/17 until