I have recently started listening to Dungeons & Daddies. I have historically disdained watching (or listening) to other people playing rpgs. It just makes me want to play. But I currently don’t have any regular games I’m part of. I have something of a gap in my gaming life and this podcast is giving me a bit of vicarious fun. Because of the comedy nature of this group, it has reminded me of some of my most silly games. This is the memory-story of one:

Jessica screamed and did a backflip over the fence. Thank God for all those weird obstacles the kids loved to leave out on the gymnastics mat. She raced and reached the van leaping the last gap. She paused, looking at the weird set of people who managed to escape.

I don’t actually remember most of the other characters from this game – I remember the players so…. there is some very strong artistic license here.

Mr. Richards, the science teacher was sitting in the driver’s seat. Gale, that hot senior, the strongest contender for prom king, was on the floor of the van in back, gasping. Beside him, was a girl Jessica didn’t know the name for. Finally, there was another adult, who looked like someone’s dad wearing a suit.

Jessica was bored while everyone argued where they should go. There was a duffle bag someone had tossed in the van, so while everyone else argued, Jessica pulled out the only book from the duffle bag: The Zombie Survival Guide. Why did someone even write such a book before the zombie apocolypse started? How did they know?

As she flipped through the book, suddenly the car screeched to a halt and there was a hard crunch. Jessica wasn’t paying attention, she ended up thrown back against the back seat. They had been hit from the side, blocking the side door from opening. Everyone was paniking, including Jessica. She scrambled behind the back seat and found on the floor a chainsaw.

She found the latch and opened the back hatch, jumping out. Gale and the Dad-dude both tried pick up the chainsaw, but found it too heavy. Mr. Richards had a baseball bat, but otherwise everyone was unarmed. Jessica stepped forward and said, “Lemme try.”

Hefting the tool wasn’t actually that hard and Jessica looked at the dumbfounded guys. She shrugged and said, “I’m really good at the bars, it takes arm strength.”

The quartet checked the truck that hit them, the driver had clearly turned zombie while driving and lost control. For the moment, he was trapped in the cab, but his moan was beginning to echo around them. Mr. Richards said, “Let’s get out of here, we’re only a few miles from the CDC and I bet we can get help there.”

“I still think we just need to hunker down,” the dad-dude said, a loud whisper as he looked around nervously.

Jessica rolled her eyes and said, “the zombie survival guide says you should seek military aid when it’s available, do you know a better place?”

“Yeah, we break into one of those office buildings and climb up to the roof,” the dad-dude said. “They’ll come rescue us.”

“And zombies will just follow through whatever holes we make,” Gale said.

“Fine!”

They were able to sneak past two solo zombies, but the third spotted them. They were walking around the cars crashed and parked on Chamblee Dunwoody, so they didn’t see the zombie trapped in the car until it started it’s signature moan practically right next to Mr. Richards.

Immediately, others began moaning and they saw the shuffling forms approaching. Someone shouted “run!” but Jessica was already moving. They were about two miles from the CDC gate, it was getting dark, and more and more zombies were appearing.

Mr. Richards slammed his bat against one, slamming it into a car when it got between them and their goal. They saw a barrier in front of them, they would need to climb over it to get to the CDC gate, where guards were standing. Jessica cranked the chainsaw and turned around a few yards from the barrier, creating space for the others to climb.

Mr. Richards hit another one, Jessica began fighting, taking limbs with disgusting eases as the dead approached. Gale barely made it over the eight foot barrier, the Dad-dude struggled, taking two tries before he made it to the top. Then Mr. Richards said, “Now you.”

“No, I’ve got this,” Jessica growled. Mr. Richards hit one more zombie away from her and then tried to scramble up the barrier. He failed twice while Jessica kept slashing with the chainsaw, knocking out three more zombies.

Mr. Richards made it over and Jessica took her shot at the barrier. She held the chainsaw firmly in her hands and took a running leap from the hood of a sedan and cleared the seven foot gap to flip over the wall. Out of habit Jessica threw her hands up like she had just completed the best floor routine of her life. They had all made it. They ran into the gate, where soldiers took care of the rest of the zombies trying to follow them.

Ok, so this game was probably 20 years ago. We ran a one-shot and picked pre-made characters randomly. I drew “the jock” but I wanted to play a girl, so I made her a gynast instead of the (clearly assumed) football player and I didn’t want to be a cheerleader.

I really did get bored and we really did have a copy of some kind of “Zombie survival guide” (thought I don’t remember if was that book. I really did sit and read it. I remember there was an argument and my character popped up at some point and said “oh, the book said something important about this” which I had totally found by accident. Everyone thought it was too hilarious and anti-stereotype and fun to have “the jock” be the one to have the answser.

The chainsaw was the second “random weapon” we drew and required a certain strength level – which only my character had. So I got the chainsaw. The last scene was probably the truest. I made one of those “oh shit, YESSSS!” rolls on my “get over the barrier” and I think everyone added something insane to the stunt. I remember very specifically the flip-with-the-chainsaw and landing with the gynnast pose. It was one of those moments that felt GREAT and was so much fun.

I miss gaming.