Humor: I am not a pizza place

I don’t know how this happens, but it is frequent enough that I know it does. The worst I had was a debt collector who just would not believe I wasn’t “Simon.” Pretty sure my voice is not that deep… Someone dials the wrong number and just does not believe the person answering is NOT their local pizza place.  I might have been reading Not Always Right and everyone who’s worked in customer service should go there.

I have decided how I will handle it. It would go (I expect) something like this:

Me: Hello?

Lost Soul: Hi, I want to order a pizza.

Me: Oh, you must have dialed the wrong number, I’m not a pizza place.

Lost Soul: Yeah, Pepperoni and fried pickles.

Me: I don’t have pizzas.

Lost Soul: Didn’t you hear me?

Me: Yes. You apparently can’t hear me.  *singing* And he/she was a lost soooooul in the wasteland….

Lost Soul: What? Did you put me on hold?

Me: Nope. You ready to listen now?

Lost Soul: No, I just want to order my  pizza!

Me: Then you should probably hang up and call the pizza place.

Lost Soul: I did!

Me: Wow, impressive how you can hang up and call the same wrong number twice.

Lost Soul: If you don’t take my order, I’ll have you fired!

Me: From where?

Lost Soul: [Pizza Place]

Me: Can you get me a job there first?

I would be merciless. And patient. And laugh at them until they admitted their fault and/or hung up. I would try to record it too to put on the internet, but I suspect by the time I figured out they were this level of dumb, I’d have missed the golden opportunity.