There are two facts about my face that people don’t tend to realize: I have a glass face.
This sentence sums up two things, the first being that I literally have glass in my face. I was in a car accident when I was about 5 and was splattered with glass from the window. Cut up my face really well and sand-sized grains of glass embedded in my face. They used to be more noticeable, but most of the big pieces have fallen out by now.
Glass literally falls out of my face every few years. One of the spots (which looks like a permanent pimple – ugh!) will get itchy. About three days later, it will fall off. So slowly over the years, my complexion has cleared from these scars, but I still have a few. I’m probably the only one who notices the ones that are left.
The second reason I say I have a glass face is because I’m (apparently) difficult to read. If you see me five minutes after I’ve been crying – most people can’t tell. Same with illness, I have to be actively sniffling, coughing, or throwing up for most people to notice I’m sick. I can feel like death is winning the war, but only people who know me well and look closely will even notice.
I don’t actively try to hide my emotions or my illness. Sometimes I am confused that people don’t see “it” [how much they hurt me, how sad I am, how sick I feel]. Other people are like playdough – their faces morph to show everything going on. I see them do this, but I have never been able to do it myself. My face remains glass, smooth and invisible. And littered with glass specks.