December is always ridiculously hard for me to blog. I really need to pre-write some stuff that I can schedule out ahead. I always think it. I never do it.
Overall, I think 2023 went well. I never write as much as I want to. It’s very hard to find the balance between all the things: writing, reading, work, family, chores, gaming… and let’s just say chores, chores, and more chores….
My to-do list for 2024 has quite a few carry-overs from 2023. Especially around home improvements. Everything costs money. Everything takes time. Even just the effort of “find the right professional to do the work” for things like electrical work, redoing a floor, or fixing my garage door – this is still mental and emotional labor.
I’ve heard procastination is just fear, and in the case of these kinds of tasks – ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY. I have a terror that I am going to get cheated. That I’m too trusting or not assertive enough. I kind of hate having these kind of workers around – I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. Am I supposed to watch them work? It’s not like I necessarily have any clue whether they are doing things correctly. Should I just go away and trust them? That feels even worse honestly. I feel uncomfortable and anxious the entire time.
I don’t trust my “gut” reaction to people. I think I am generally too trusting. Some of this is a conscious choice because I don’t want to be the kind of person that trusts no one. I want to believe the best of people. I logically know that I can’t, but I don’t want to become so cynical that I can’t form human bonds of trust. UGH. Peopling is hard.
My plan for this year is to tackle my fears. It’s not really a resolution per say. It’s definitely not a SMART goal or anything. I started by writing out all the projects that need to be completed. Step 2 will be prioritizing them with my husband and determining which he will tackle and which ones I will tackle. Normally, Step 2 would be “budget” in my world, but some of our projects we already have estimates, so it’s really more about execution now.
Steps 3-∞ is to actually complete the projects. THAT is my 2024 goal: complete house projects.
Dream by Day 